There are many behaviours that can get in
the way of effective communication. Some of them are easy to manage while
others are more difficult.
The “Big Ego” is one I hear about
frequently. We all have an ego, but there are times when we perceive that the
size of another’s can get in the way of effective communication and resolving
conflict.
People struggle with ways to
overcome this, especially when managing up. Why? The fear factor, of course.
There are many specific behaviours that get
in the way of productive communication. I am often approached by participants
after a workshop who ask how to best deal with specific behavioural situations perceived
as risky.
I undertook an initiative based on several
inquiries and polled my fellow Kwelans for their input on ways to deal with
them:
THE BIG EGO
Observe
the Impact on Others. Evaluate whether it is truly
disruptive or just a personal judgment. If it is impacting others, discuss the
specific behaviour(s) that are getting in the way and the impact they have.
Speak
Privately. Create an opportunity to have a
one-on-one conversation in order to minimize the ego. Big egos are energized
when surrounded by others.
Be Assertive. Insist on being treated the right way and that you will not stand
for their behaviours. Be calm, polite, firm and decisive. Egos admire
confidence.
Find
Neutral Ground. Don’t one-up a big ego as they may
feel threatened. Instead, reach common ground.
Build
Awareness. Be courageous and provide the needed
feedback. They may react, but eventually may become grateful that you had the
guts to let them know. Many don’t have the necessary self awareness.
Change
your Behaviours: Consider doing something
differently on your end. At times, our behaviours may be getting in the way
such as focusing on what is not working versus what is. Try something fresh or different and see what
happens on other side.
THE CRITICAL MICRO-MANAGER
Don’t
Take it Personally: Micro-managing can be
frustrating as the more focus we get, the more critical we may be of ourselves.
Be mindful that they likely do the same with others and try to appreciate the
root causes of their behaviour; for example, they may be a perfectionist or
have fear of rejection.
Evaluate
Yourself: We may be the root cause of micro-managing.
The manager may feel we need to be
managed that way. Reflect on past behaviours, attitudes, work ethic, etc. that
might have contributed.
Do Your
Best: Demonstrate you take your work seriously and
that you are doing your best.
Anticipate
Their Wants: If they monitor deadlines, get things
done early and let them know. Be assertive and ask them to trust you on
completing tasks. Thank them for trusting you.
Ask
for Feedback: Be proactive and solicit feedback ahead
of them providing it.
Teach
them How to Delegate: Have a conversation on what
tasks they may pass over to you and what you and they would need to ensure the
right support, monitoring and decision making.
THE PERCEIVED "PSYCHO" BOSS
Understand
their Motivations: Find out what motivates them and
what is important to them. By understanding how the world works through their
eyes, you will better know how to work with them.
Control
Your Emotions:
Be calm and professional and don’t participate in any rippling
negativity. Try to improve the work environment for all as best you can.
Seek
Support:
Speak with Human Resources, fellow colleagues and others to find out if
your boss is the problem and how to possibly deal with it. Perhaps your
perception is incorrect. If it is correct, schedule a meeting to discuss what
you are observing and the impact to your work. Rehearse in advance what you
will say, being mindful of their potential motivations.
Set
Boundaries: Don’t be taken advantage of. Set clear
boundaries. Don’t avoid this needed conversation; stand up for what’s right.
INSECURE EMPLOYEES
Build
Awareness: Describe the behaviour that is leading
you to believe they are insecure and determine the root cause; is it possible
job loss, a skills gap, or fear of failure?
Overcome
Constraints: Support them by identifying needed
behaviours, resources or training. Listen to their needs and assure them that
you will help them in the long-term by empowering them through accountability,
support and accepting failure.
NEGATIVE EMPLOYEES (or waiting for
retirement)
Involve
Them: Work with them to identify ways they can
contribute to improve the organization. Show them you value their experience.
Ask them about what their legacy could be.
Identify
the Root Cause: Don’t take their negativity personally.
Find out if something outside of work may be impacting them or what else might
be going on – what is the root cause? Coach them through this process.
Recognition: Help them understand and reinforce the good things they do.
Performance
Management: Provide constructive feedback and set
expectations. If they don’t change, apply consequences as their actions may be
impacting the whole.
I heard once from a leader, “Everyone wants
to be valued and do something of value.”
If you look at people with this filter
on, you are more likely to reduce conflict, build self awareness and improve
employee performance. It means, you may have to drop the ego!
Glen
